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I'm F***ing Tired

Updated: Mar 1

That’s it! That’s the truth.

As I sit here and think and try to “figure out” what I should write about…I have decided that I should just be 100%, unapologetically, TRUTHFUL and AUTHENTIC. I will not overthink, over analyze, or filter my thoughts…

I began this blogging journey to help others heal as I heal myself. The most important thing I have learned on my journey is that people need to know that we are all flawed.

None of us are perfect. When we allow ourselves to show vulnerability, it helps others who may be struggling. With that being said…I am struggling and, in this moment, feeling like I am not ENOUGH! I am not doing ENOUGH. I am not showing up ENOUGH. I am not taking care of myself ENOUGH. I am not working out ENOUGH. I am NOT ENOUGH.

Now that I have said what I am thinking, I now need to think about "is what I think true?" I feel like I am not doing enough…

But the fact of the matter is, I do plenty on a daily basis.

  • I show up for my job.

  • I show up as a coach.

  • I show up in my most important role in life, and that is the role of MOTHER to Booker IV, Kayla and Kalli.

  • I am there for every sports competition and important event in their lives.

  • I am there to say good morning to them, even if it is just making a call or sending a text to my two who are away at school.

  • I am there to pray for them and with them, say I love you, I believe in you, and support and encourage them as they work to obtain the desires of their hearts and reach their life goals.

  • I show up for my husband.

  • I support him in everything that he does.

  • I support his dreams, and I do what I can to help make them happen.

  • I show up for my family, friends and co-workers when they need me.

So, how exactly am I not doing enough? I show up for all these people through the good as well as difficult moments of their lives.

The answer to that questions is what my truth is…and sometimes it is hard to face the truth head on.


I now need to think about "is what I think true?"

At this very moment, I am not feeling well…but instead of resting my body and doing what I need to do to get myself to a place where I feel better, I keep pushing myself to keep going. I tell myself that I have way too many things to do so I can’t stop and rest right now. My body is still in recovery mode from surgery I had back in December…But, I get upset with myself because I feel like I should be able to jump right back into my workouts and be at the same level I was prior to surgery even though I am still healing. I have personal goals as well as goals for my business, and even though I am having weekly meetings and working on a plan to relaunch and continue growing, I get upset because I feel like it isn’t happening fast enough. I am not fueling my body with good foods at this time. I am NOT doing a lot of the things that I should be doing to operate at my best level and have the best human experience possible. Of course, I am going to feel like I am NOT ENOUGH.

How many of you are like this? How many of you go through your days taking care of

everything and everyone and then doing the bare minimum for yourself?

Come on people!! I know better and you do as well.

There is no excuse for putting yourself last on the list of people you need to show up for. How can you show up for anyone else and give them the very best of you when you won’t even do that for yourself? It is absolutely LUDICROUS to do so.

When you don’t show up for yourself and take care of yourself, you are saying to the universe and everyone around you that they are important, but you are not. And we both know that’s a LIE! You are very important, and you deserve to live your best life. You deserve to look good, feel good and have God’s best.

Not showing up for ourselves and operating at our best level causes us to not move through life the way that we should. Not showing up for ourselves allows us to begin to accept the lie that we are not enough. Not showing up for ourselves causes us to have a distorted view of life and those around us. We view other people in a better light than we view ourselves. Not showing up for ourselves causes INTERRUPTION to the living the lives that we should be living.

How can we do that to ourselves and be okay with it?

I don’t know how we can do this to ourselves and be okay with it…But, I do know what we can do to work through it and come out on the other side of it. We can take a step towards taking care of ourselves. One small step. What step will you take today?

When we know that we need to do things to take care of ourselves and we can’t find the strength to do them, we can reach out to someone who we know will support us and help us find a way to take care of ourselves until we find the strength to do it on our own again.

When we are faced with a difficult moment, we can stop and ask ourselves what we need to do to win that moment.

When we feel upset or frustrated we can stop and ask ourselves, why do I feel this way, and what do I need right now? We have to acknowledge and accept what we feel and be honest with ourselves and those around us about what we need to help us get to a better place.

And if we can’t achieve getting to a better place doing those things, then maybe it is time for us to utilize the resources around us. Sometimes that may mean seeking some help on a professional level. Talk to a therapist, hire a coach, or do whatever you need to do to get yourself to a good place.

So, today, I am asking myself

"Why are you tired?"

Answer: And I am going to be honest with you, myself, and the people around me with my answer. I am tired because I am not feeling my best, I am dealing with allergies as well as some other cold related symptoms. My body is tired. I feel drained.

"Why am I grumpy?"

Answer: Because I know that I have goals for myself and I am not doing what I need to do to achieve them and get to that next level.

Because instead of being honest with the people around me and saying…"I do not feel well, I need to take some time to just focus on taking care of myself. I will not be able to show up for you the way I normally do until I am feeling well again. Can you please help me until I am feeling better?” What I need is for them to show up for me and help me get through the difficulties I am feeling at this time. Instead of telling them that, I continue to try to show up for them, keep going and operating the way I do when I am feeling good. But, how does that help me? How does that help them?

The answer is simple…IT DOESN’T HELP ANY OF US!

All it does is cause me to be angry with the people around me for not “giving me” what I need when they have NO IDEA what I need to begin with. So, I may be as my title says, FUCKING TIRED, but it is totally MY FAULT that I am. It is my fault that I am not taking care of myself, resting and doing what I need to do until my body feels better. It is my fault that I am not fueling my body properly, working out, or focusing on my spirituality, prayer and meditation. It is my fault that I am taking care of everything and everyone around me BEFORE I show up for myself and take care of myself.

I have to take RESPONSIBILITY for myself and my life even if the circumstances are difficult. No one else can do that for me. If I want to feel well then, I must rest and take care of my mind as well as my body. And you must do the same for yourself as well. Let’s not get into the habit of blaming everyone and everything around us for the position we have placed ourselves in, in our own lives. Let’s do what we must so that we do not continue to INTERRUPT our lives and our growth.

I want us all to experience happiness, make the most of and MOVE through our lives


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